Tuesday, March 27, 2012

My brain has gone to the birds!!

I am going to let you in on a little secret.

I ♥ cHiCkEnS 

 They make me smile!  They make me hApPy!  

They have so much character and personality~

My dream (and I am pretty sure Big Daddy is on board) is to one day live on a "farm" and have lots of 'em!

And I want a fancy shmancy chicken coup, too!

But until then, I'm going to frighten you all with a story about my fantasy-one-day-I-am-totally-gonna-have chickens!

Source: google.com via Nole on Pinterest

Meet  ETHEL, GERTY, and ESTER.  

They are like little old ladies.  Always nosin' in your business.

 {{Little old ladies make me happy, too ;)}}

And this here
 is RUTH!

Source: google.com via Kristy on Pinterest

She's a firecracker!!
Every one laughs when Ruth's around!

This here is Vivi. She's oooooone seductive chic!

Source: flickr.com via Kristy on Pinterest

Oh, that's Fred. Don't mind him... He's one brick shy of a full load!


This is Agnes. She kinda rules the roost so you don't wanna be rufflin' her tail feathers. 

And last, but not least. These are the twins ~ Hattie and Henrietta.  They keep everyone company and keep the "pecking" order, well, in order.

And they will all see the sunset with us, Big Daddy and Bitsy~

Source: google.com via Kristy on Pinterest

Hey.   A girl can dream, can't she?

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Yoga mat, anyone?

OMGsh!! Y'all!!!   This is so funny! 

and might I just add...  I resemble these remarks ;-)  LOL


Hilarious Yoga Mat for Sale Ad on Craigslist

By MindBodyGreen
It looks like someone in Seattle is selling a yoga mat for $1. The mat was only used once and comes along with this hilarious usage timeline detailing the seller's experience in a hot yoga class. (Not such a good experience).

I doubt the room got up to 175 degrees, but nonetheless, funny.

I also doubt the seller used Heidi Kristoffer's super-easy method for yoga mat cleaning.

Any takers?

Here's the full text from the Seattle Craigslist ad below:

Yoga mat for sale. Used once. - $1 (Bellevue)

Yoga mat for sale. Used once at lunch hour class in December 2009. Usage timeline as follows:

Register for hot yoga class. Infinite wisdom tells me to commit to 5 class package and purchase a yoga mat. I pay $89.74. Money well spent, I smugly confirm to myself.

Open door to yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and hot. Take spot on floor in back of room next to cute blonde. We will date.

I feel the need to be as near to naked as possible. This is a problem because of the hot blonde to my left and our pending courtship. She will not be pleased to learn that I need to lose 30 pounds before I propose to her.

The shirt and sweats have to come off. I throw caution to the wind and decide to rely on my wit and conditioning to overcome any weight issues my fiancée may take issue with. This will take a lot of wit and conditioning.

Begin small talk with my bride to be. She pretends to ignore me but I know how she can be. I allow her to concentrate and stare straight ahead and continue to pretend that I don't exist. As we finish sharing our special moment, I am suddenly aware of a sweat moustache that has formed below my nose. This must be from the all the whispering between us.

Instructor enters the room and ascends her special podium at the front of the room. She is a slight, agitated Chinese woman. She introduces me to the class and everyone turns around to greet me just as I decide to aggressively adjust my penis and testes packed in my Under Armor. My bride is notably unfazed.

Since I do have experience with Hot Yoga (4 sessions just 5 short years ago) I fully consider that I may be so outstanding and skilled that my instructor may call me out and ask me to guide the class. My wife will look on with a sparkle in her eye. We will make love after class.

It is now up to 95 degrees in the room. We have been practicing deep breathing exercises for the last 8 minutes. This would not be a problem if we were all breathing actual, you know, oxygen. Instead, we are breathing each other's body odor, expelled carbon dioxide and other unmentionables. (Don't worry, I'll mention them later.)

It is now 100 degrees and I take notice of the humidity, which is hovering at about 90%. I feel the familiar adorning stare of my bride and decide to look back at her. She appears to be nauseated. I then realize that I forgot to brush my teeth prior to attending this class. We bond.

It is now 110 degrees and 95% humidity. I am now balancing on one leg with the other leg crossed over the other. My arms are intertwined and I am squatting. The last time I was in this position was 44 years ago in the womb, but I'm in this for the long haul. My wife looks slightly weathered dripping sweat and her eyeliner is streaming down her face. Well, "for better or worse" is what we committed to so we press on.

The overweight Hispanic man two spots over has sweat running down his legs. At least I think its sweat. He is holding every position and has not had a sip of water since we walked in. He is making me look bad and I hate him.

I consider that if anyone in this room farted that we would all certainly perish.

It is now 140 degrees and 100% humidity. I am covered from head to toe in sweat. There is not a square millimeter on my body that is not slippery and sweaty. I am so slimy that I feel like a sea lion or a maybe sea eel. Not even a bear trap could hold me. The sweat is stinging my eyeballs and I can no longer see.

This room stinks of asparagus, cloves, tuna and tacos. There is no food in the room. I realize that this is an amalgamation of the body odors of 30 people in a 140 degree room for the last 55 minutes. Seriously, enough with the asparagus, ok?

140 degrees and 130% humidity. Look, bitch, I need my space here so don't get all pissy with me if I accidentally sprayed you with sweat as I flipped over. Seriously, is that where this relationship is going? Get over yourself. We need counseling and she needs to be medicated. Stat!

150 degrees and cloudy. And hot. I can no longer move my limbs on my own. I have given up on attempting any of the commands this Chinese chick is yelling out at us. I will lay sedentary until the aid unit arrives. I will buy this building and then have it destroyed.
I lose consciousness.

I have a headache and my wife is being a selfish bitch. I can't really breathe. All I can think about is holding a cup worth of hot sand in my mouth. I cannot remember what an ice cube is and cannot remember what snow looks like. I consider that my only escape might be a crab walk across 15 bodies and then out of the room. I am paralyzed, and may never walk again so the whole crab walk thing is pretty much out.

I cannot move at all and cannot reach my water. Is breathing voluntary or involuntary? If it's voluntary, I am screwed. I stopped participating in the class 20 minutes ago. Hey, lady! I paid for this frickin class, ok?! You work for me! Stop yelling at everyone and just tell us a story or something. It's like juice and cracker time, ok?

It is now 165 degrees and moisture is dripping from the ceiling. The towel that I am laying on is no longer providing any wicking or drying properties. It is actually placing additional sweat on me as I touch it. My towel reeks. I cannot identify the smell but no way can it be from me. Did someone spray some stank on my towel or something?

Torture session is over. I wish hateful things upon the instructor. She graciously allows us to stay and 'cool down' in the room. It is 175 degrees. Who cools down in 175 degrees? A Komodo Dragon? My wife has left the room. Probably to throw up.

My opportunity to escape has arrived. I roll over to my stomach and press up to my knees. It is warmer as I rise up from ground level - probably by 15 degrees. So let's conservatively say it's 190. I muster my final energy and slowly rise. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. Towards the door. Towards the door.

The temperature in the lobby is 72 degrees. Both nipples stiffen to diamond strength and my penis begins to retract into my abdomen from the 100 degree temp swing. I can once again breathe though so I am pleased. I spot my future ex wife in the lobby. We had such a good thing going but I know that no measure of counseling will be able to unravel the day's turmoil and mental scaring.

Arrive at Emerald City Smoothie and proceed to order a 32 oz beverage. 402 calories, 0 fat and 14 grams of protein -- effectively negating any caloric burn or benefit from the last 90 minutes. I finish it in 3 minutes and spend the next 2 hours writing this memoir.

Create Craigslist ad while burning final 2 grams of protein from Smoothie and before the "shakes" consume my body.

Note to self - check car for missing wet yoga towel in am.

 Here's the link to more fun!


Saturday, March 17, 2012

Be Nice or Leave

To say we are all just a little addicted to Pinterest would be a gross understatement!  You know it. I know it.  If there hasn't been a support group in your area, maybe you should start one...  
Who are we kidding... I mean, who wants to give up Pinterest?!  Not THIS girl!

So. I made a decision.

I am going to finally get off my kiester and MAKE SOMETHING!  I even have a folder named
 "Things I really must accomplish" 
to help push me in that direction!  {I'm not lazy, really.. just a procrastinator!  A major procrastinator... As in QUEEN of PROCRASTINATION (and spider webbing... but that's another post, another time)"}

Ok.. so here is one of the very first things I saw and pinned. I LOVED this!!

Don't you just LOVE it?! I not only love the chair, but I simply love what it says!  "Why?" you wonder? 
Because  I have 3 teenage daughters!  With that.. comes arguing, bickering and complaining. 
When they can't seem to get their crap together and we've had enough, we yell at them to get outta here and go upstairs!  ask them kindly to leave the room!

But now... we don't have to ask.  We don't have to utter a word!  
We. Can. Just. Point!  
and I LIKE that idea!

And since I don't have this fancy a house, with the fancy chair, I improvised....  (and you can too!)

Like me, you can go to Goodwill.
 Hobby Lobby.


  @ Goodwill, you can find cool junk, like THIS!
{it's actually kinda pretty}

And pay this...

And, like me, when you're leaving, you'll get weird looks~ like this..

But they don't  know what a genius plan you have... SO... onward you march!
With your head high and  a goofy grin smack across your face because, like my inspiration, yours is THAT awesome, too!

So you get it home and lay it out on your paint sheet; like this.

[Oh Wow.. It's really quite large!]

4 cans x 5 cans!


Then. You grab this, this and this.
 {cuz we're super fancy like that!}

 Then, you spray 2-3 coats of the Chalkboard paint all over the faux painting;  like this.

And  you use the paper bag to shield the board so you can paint the frame; like this.

**What can I say... I stun even myself with how improvisional I am sometimes.  HAHA  ;) **
{yes huh, it's a word!}

And if you get a little over-spray, like this... don't fret..

You've got a paper bag.  You can spray over it.  Like this.

Then, you'll end up with something quite nice.. Like this!

Now... You need to use a piece of chalk to "prime" your board; like this.

Then wipe it off with a damp towel.

Position your letters, you know, the one's you got from Hobby Lobby for half price!! 

and fill in the letters with chalk, so you can have something that's as spectacular



Posted by Picasa

(By the way~ Don't ever pay full price at Hobby Lobby! EVER!  There is always a 40% off coupon available to print, or show the check out person from your phone, if it's not already on sale in the store)

(weird how lighting changes the wall color!) my walls are yellow.. like this..


I hope you love yours as much as I love mine!

Even my kids ♥ it!  :)
 {{and I didn't have to explain it's meaning either!  wink. wink.}}


a to zebra

Craft Junkie Too Friend
Weekend Bloggy Reading

Inspired By Felicity Blog

Friday, March 16, 2012

What does a monkey, a pig and a knight have in common?

Big Daddy (that'd be my hubby, Josh) and I had a "date day" yesterday.  I l♥ve date days!  
After lunch we decided to stop into Garden Ridge Pottery. We hadn't been in, oh, about 3+ years.. so what the hey.

"WHAT THE HEY?!?" is right! 

'Cause that's exactly what I said when we entered the door! 
Holy crap! Have they been busy remodeling/rearranging that store! 
Before, it wasn't too exciting to walk in.  Kinda "warehousey".  Sure, they had great stuff.. but the layout was ALL wrong. There was no real "direction". No real eye candy. It was kinda discombobulated, actually!
But they've addressed all of those problem areas, and more, and it was glorious! 
I thought it'd be fun to snap some picts of things you might find interesting, however I didn't want to seem like too much of a freak walking around shooting picts with my phone, so here are just a few things that captured my attention...


 This is pretty much the first thing you see when you walk in the door... A sea of rugs! Oh my heavens! Never have I seen so many area rugs, in so many sizes, in so many patterns, in one place!  
Be prepared to D. I. G!

Because when you do... THIS is what you'll find!!!!


And for {an almost} 8x10... $99.99

Say whaaaa?!?!

  I am seriously considering going back and plopping this baby down in my living room!


If I didn't have 2 dogs that shed so much we could fur another dog... This black and white rug would most definitely be on my floor in the front room I am currently redecorating!  I am thinking of making one out of drop cloth tho! Wouldn't it be FAB! :)  Either in hexagons or chevron?!  GAH!


...Moving on...

Every thing was organized by color!  
Not only is it visually amazing, but it's sooo much easier to shop! 
 Especially if you're wanting collections in a particular color!


~~~~insert *GASP*!!~~~~

I L♥VE POLKA DOTS!  I really, really do! And these fun pieces just sent me over the gasping edge! 

 These were priced in range from $3.99 to $10.99  (seriously!)


Are you ready for quirky?!


 :D    hahahahaha   :D

 I ♥ him. Isn't he so funny?!

 But wait!  That's not all....

Round the corner and VOILA!  Tons of quirky cuteness to choose from! 

{I especially like the monkey picking his nose... haha.. it's so weird, it's laughable!} 
~Goodness gracious~


I like colorful things so it's no surprise that I've always liked these yard birds!

These were $39.99.  I think that's a fair price, but he's staying.

I guess pigs really do fly ;)


And these were AWESOME!

What woman doesn't want a knight in shining armor?!  LOL  Now every woman can have one... or two!   And they're life-size people... L.I.F.E. size!

Keep perusing the ginormous store and you'll see TONS of these...

  Patio cushions!  And TONS to choose from.  We really, really liked this red pattern!

... until we saw THESE!

AHHHHH... the fat lady has sung!   


A patio "redo" is in our VERY near future!  I will be spray painting our existing iron furniture (mostly because it needs it. It's sun faded and icky).
But now... they have the option of becoming a super fun color!
OR maybe black ~ cuz this green would totally POP off of black!

And just when we thought we'd seen it ALL......

{believe me when I say, there is SOOOOOOOO much I didn't take pictures of.. as in tens of thousands of square feet more!}

HELLO 70's Macrame!! 

I bet out of all this fun, quirky goodness, you're wondering what we actually bought, aren't you?!

You'll be very surprised, I think!  Nope... I know you will!


Not at all what you expected is it?!  

Yea. Me neither!  

BUT we'll have up to 7 perfectly soft, medium or hard "boiled" (they're steamed) eggs! 
A wonderful invention (for $19.99), especially for the kiddos for breakfast! 

It's "do it yourself" goodness!! 
(and I'm kind of a closet sucker for "as seen on tv" crap! haha)


Big Daddy has water pans for the BarB.  Yay for super moist smoked chicken!


And my wooden spoons (3 for $3.99) are for THIS  deliciously sweet project that Litte Bit Funky did! 
{major swoon!!!}

Do you have a Garden Ridge Pottery near you??  
If you've not been lately... it might be worth checking out!